I just found out that the guy I’m interested in is uncircumcised and I’m a little weirded out. I have absolutely no idea what to do and I have no idea how foreskin works. I’ve never been with uncircumcised guys before and to be honest, foreskin seems kinda gross to me. But still, I really like this guy and I want to make an effort. Do you have any advice?
Do you remember that episode in Sex and the City when Charlotte starts dating that guy only to find out he’s uncircumcised? She kind of (and by kind of I mean completely and totally) freaks out about it. “It’s like a Sharpay!” she says to the girls over brunch.
Cue an entire thirty minute episode which aims to help Charlotte “get around” her issue. I think the guy actually ends up getting circumcised in the end or something. It isn’t an issue and yet, television makes it an issue. We will talk about it!
There is nothing wrong with your feeling odd about your new guy’s uncircumcised penis. You just have to understand something: You are weirded out by it because you’re not used to it.
But, did you know most dick-owners in this world aren’t circumcised? Like the vaaaast majority. If you ever date a guy from another country, I can almost promise you they will not be circumcised. In fact, 40 percent of men in the United States are uncircumcised.
Circumcision is actually not the norm in many parts of the world. In some places it is, but not everywhere. Europe, for example, is a land of uncircumcised dicks galore.
Trust me, I’ve been where you are. In college, I started dating this guy and found out he was uncircumcised when we had sex for the first time. I didn’t have a warning. He didn’t think he needed to give me one … and he was right! I was pretty fucking shocked at first. I’d never seen a penis like this in my life. Not even in porn or on TV or online anywhere. I could have shit a brick and run away screaming. But I didn’t.
I just went with it and moved on with my life. At the end of the day, it’s a skin flap, dude. Who gives a shit?
Now that I’m a grown-ass adult woman, I can’t really imagine circumcising my own children. It seems like the weird thing! Cutting off my child’s penis head-skin is not top priority for me. Everyone has an opinion about this. It’s subjective and up to the parents.
It’s normal and healthy to have an uncircumcised penis. As long as your guy knows how to properly clean himself, which I hope he does, there is nothing wrong with foreskin.
Did you know that the foreskin is analogous to the clitoral hood? This is a piece of skin that protects the clitoris. If you take a hand mirror and look at your vulva, you’ll see a small hood that drapes the clitoris. It is essentially the same thing as foreskin. Would you be mad at someone who thought it was gross that you had a clitoral hood? Of course not. Because it is natural and normal. Just like an uncircumcised penis!
Foreskin provides a ton of sensation that is lost after circumcision. Not that circumcision makes sex bad for penis-owners, but it does decrease sensitivity to some degree. Studies have shown that men with foreskin experience a heightened sense of pleasure during sexual activities. That is something to consider, no?
You’ve got to get over it. I say that with love.
It’s just a part of the body. If you pull it down, the penis looks exactly like a circumcised penis. We’ve overblown circumcision into this huge THING. When it just … isn’t. Society is to blame for your feeling grossed out by this. There are so many reasons to be freaked out by a person you’re dating, their anatomy is not one of them.
Imagine if someone thought you were “gross” for having natural “saggy” (rude word!) boobs or large labia lip — both of which are completely normal? In porn, these unrealistic bodies have become standardized. You’d be horrified and appalled if a guy was like, “I like you, but your vulva is shaped weirdly and I think it’s vile.”
Do you see what I mean? Do not be cruel to someone over their body. We already place such unnatural, achievable standards on ourselves due to the inundation of media and the cult-like worship of celebrities. It isn’t fair or healthy. We have to put a stop to it.
I know it’s new and it can seem strange. All new things are strange. That doesn’t make them bad. Don’t write someone off because of a piece of foreskin. That is plain old shallow and immature. Go forth and give it a shot. I promise it will take approximately one good fuck before you’re thinking, “Oh, yeah. This is actually fine. Never mind.”
Start with getting some oral sex. Have an orgasm. You will forget this is an issue for you.
You will see, there are so many bigger things in this life to get worried about.
Wishing you lots of orgasms in the near future!
Gigi Engle is a feminist writer, sex educator, and speaker. A book with St. Martins Press is forthcoming.
For a chance to be featured on YSPSA’s original sex advice column, email your question to firstname.lastname@example.org. No topic is off limits.